Every relationship should have routine check ins and check ups.  It is interesting that we will keep routine schedules to maintain our bodies, our homes and even our cars, but neglect to check in or get check ups for our relationships.  As much as I believe in this principle, I was not ready to answer my wife’s question.  She wanted to know, “what are we doing?”  This entry shares the struggle that I had with her need to know. (Divorce Journal – What Are We Doing)

It was a reasonable request, considering the amount of time we were spending together and the activities that we shared.  We were in a seemingly good space, which would lead anyone to believe that all was well with us.  Although a picture is worth a thousand words, it can also be very deceptive about what lies beneath.  Underneath my pleasant demeanor towards our relationship was the need to see significant change from both of us.

In every moment we shared I was looking for enough evidence to change my mind and heart about divorce.  I wanted to know that the few months of peace and comfort we shared would be indicative of a new her and a better us.  The peace could have been the result of either one of us holding our tongues; keeping in our true feelings for the sake of peace and comfort.  But, even the best of us get tired of practicing restraint.  It is then that our true emotions and feelings surface.  And patience is rewarded with the real agenda and true nature of a thing.