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Divorce Journal – Starting Our New Chapter
When you choose to serve others, especially under the titled ‘Coached 2 Love,’ then transparency is a must. Love has multiple faces. Likewise, the relationships that are inspired by the pursuit of love has many outcomes. One of the most dreadful is divorce.
No one gets married with divorce in mind as the desired outcome. At least none who take the vows of marriage sacred. The parties invested in the success of the marriage extend beyond the persons taking the vows or the attendants that stand with them. Usually there is a community of supporters, including family, friends, fraternity and sorority siblings, classmates, neighbors, and co-workers. The outcome of the marriage has an impact on all of those who poured in their feelings, time, and prayers. So, when a marriage ends it has an impact on the entire community.
If a marriage brings a community together to celebrate, then it stands to reason that a divorce should also bring one together to mourn. Unfortunately, the painful process of separation and divorce drives the partners into seclusion or excessive behaviors that make them hard to approach. And no one has the right to judge how someone processes the sting of divorce. And, no one has the right to deny the congregation of believers their opportunities to heal too.
I recorded a number of videos, journal entries, in an effort to both process the decision to divorce my spouse and begin the long journey towards healing. The idea was not my own, but that of a relationship consultant that happened to sit next to me at a networking function. Coincidence or not, she challenged me to combine the goal of leading others in conversation about love while sharing my own challenges to obtain the heart’s desire.
And I was immediately afraid. I was afraid of hurting the woman that I had spent seven years with. I was afraid of hurting her daughters who I call my own, or my sons, which had already seen their father loose at love. Our families, friends, fraternal and sorority siblings, and so many others were of concern. Yet, fear has never had the final say over my actions and this challenge would not be any different.
Recording the journal entries were at times cathartic. It is my hope that in sharing these journal entries others will find meaning or understanding for their own relationships. It is too late for there to be a different outcome in my marriage. Perhaps, someone will find the strength they need to fight for their marriage, so that it will not end in divorce. It may simply provide clarity for the community that stood with us through our courting period and on our wedding day. I trust that in sharing these videos others will benefit through the outpouring of my emotions.
I decided to start with one of the final videos that was recorded. This entry was completed shortly after a judge granted the petition for divorce. The range of emotions that I was experiencing should be evident as I struggled with finding words to describe the experience and what I hoped to come next. Clarity was not the goal, it was only authenticity. Truth is that divorce has never been that clear to me and there is great ambiguity with starting a new chapter.Divorce Journal – Starting Our New Chapter
04-27-2014: C2L Radio – Our Prodigal Spouse
It takes two to make a marriage. Likewise, it takes two to break one.
If the spouse that caused the harm is ready to make amends, are you ready to let them? If so, you will need these tools to start fresh.
Join Coached 2 Love Radio, Thursday, April 24, 2014 at 7pm CST for a discussion on The Prodigal Spouse. Listen live online or dial in 347-237-4648. Press 1 to ask a question or offer a comment.
Additionally, you can participate in a live, simultaneous TweetChat – #C2LRadio #ProdigalSpouse
Forgiving Others
Here is my thesis. Life is about giving, and love is at the top of the list. In fact, I believe that all of creation is about the revolving, interconnecting circles of Light, Life and Love. Genesis 1 and 2 support my thesis. The Sanskrit poem Bhagavad Gita supports my thesis. Therefore, success or fulfilling our purpose in creation, in my opinion, comes through the velocity of how we give.
You have heard that you reap what you sow. Some of us are familiar with the parable of the fig tree where Jesus condemned the tree for not producing any fruit after being given adequate seasons to “let go.” How about: God gave His only begotten son, so that … we could have everlasting life? Giving is clearly a life principle.
So my argument begs the question, ‘why is it so hard to for-give or let go?’ I suggest we first consider the motivation for holding on.
We keep things mostly out of comfort or familiarity or fear. It is easier to work within the confines of our experiences or hold on to the successes that we already have – no matter how outdated these may be. Worse, we sometimes hold on to whatever it is because we fear that it will never be replaced, or we will not get anything in return.
For-give-ness is the extreme active of giving. The literally meaning is the most intense form of give. No wonder it is so hard for most of us.
For some it is challenging to give a greeting, like ‘hello’ or ‘good morning.’ Others find it hard to give a donation to a worthy cause or tithe to their religious organization. Forget about giving a thoughtful gift to co-worker, classmate, or acquaintance where there will likely not be an exchange.
Giving only seems to be easy when reciprocity is in order. It is much more likely to occur when the exchange will result in a reciprocal physical act, tangible item, or pleasant feeling. But, we know that forgiving someone of a past or present hurt, disappointment or betrayal will not involve either of the aforementioned.
We hold onto hurt as we do our greetings to strangers or gifts for a co-worker because we cannot see ‘what’s in it for me.’ We know, and do not care, that it makes no sense. It makes about as much sense as holding onto clothes that you don’t wear, rather than donate them to a shelter that houses battered women who escaped their abusive relationships – likely without anything but their lives.
Truth is we will benefit from offering forgiveness. The benefits are subtle and often overlooked and undervalued, but they are there for us. It is like saying good morning to strangers even though they seem to never respond. It is very similar to offering to purchase lunch for the person on the corner with the sign, even if they really just want the money. It is just as important as cleaning out your closets on a routine basis and donating the clothes to shelters or churches that provide for people you will likely never meet.
The benefit is greater than you, but for you also. When you forgive there is a burst of positive energy that envelopes you and everything about you. When you greet a stranger, I assure you they carry that throughout their day and will eventually bless someone else with your kindness. When you give that faded sweater, out of date jeans, or too tight wardrobe away someone is grateful to have clean clothes to cover their wounds as they begin their life anew. The same goes for saying I forgive you- even if the person will never hear it from you.
Saying I forgive you means that you hear it and you become transformed throughout your day and life. The strange gesture as with the greeting will free you to bless someone else. Saying I forgive you provides a new emotional wardrobe, internal grace that reflects your outward act that says you cared enough about someone else to give what you could no longer hold onto.
For me, my thesis holds true. It is when we share our light, sacrifice the comforts of our life, and embody love that we are living out our purpose in creation. Forgive.

