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There are two responses that you hate to hear when other’s learn that you and your spouse are separated and headed towards divorce. The most hurtful is, “I knew you two would not last,” or some version of this comment. The second is not hurtful or is at least not meant to be. It is, “I do not understand what happen as the two of you seemed to be so happy,” or some version of this comment.
It is difficult to respond to either version. The challenge involves several factors. You do not want to speak harshly of your mate, especially since you chose them. It is also unlikely that any one person is at fault, so if you share their faults, then you must also spill your oen contribution to the decline. You also have to consider why the person is asking. Some genuinely care and are searching for ways to support you or the both of you. Others may be looking for answers or meaning for their own relationships and caution is advised, so that you do not cause harm to them. And their the folks that are just looking for dirty that they can happily share. The world has no shortage of destructive people or behaviors.
I still find it hard discussing the end of our marriage. It is hard because my reasons are complicated. It is hard as I am still living with the emotional and physical repercussions of the divorce. Divorce is the ripping apart of two souls, hearts and bodies. You feel this crude separation in during the healing period. And you may not ever fully heal.
This entry (Divorce Journal – It Is Hard To Share My Story) is my attempt at responding to several people that were shocked to learn of our separation. I fumbled with my response to each of them, and thought I could provide clarity in the journal entry. It seems I did not offer much clarity after reviewing the video. Maybe one day I will be able to articulate the events that led to the divorce with the transparency that I prescribe.