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Even before I had it I did not understand the concept of goodbye sex. (Divorce Journal – Goodbye Sex) I mean I tried it once in high school, but it was an act of revenge on a cheating girlfriend. I assumed that goodbye sex was some sort of parting gift to each other, not a malicious act to declare the end of a relationship. But, I struggle with understanding the purpose of sharing in intimacy with someone you no longer want to be in a relationship with.
In some regard, I can understand the partner that is requesting one last moment of itimacy before the door closes on a relationship forever. Forever is a long time. It stands to reason that the emotions involved in this final act will run high; therefore, making the love making experience that much more special. But, what about the negative consequences? For instance, I have come to understand that sexual intercourse is deeper than penetrating flesh. Souls are intertwined as a result of the connection. What are these parties to do with this connection once the relationship has dissolved?
The dissenting partner has th greatest challenge. It would be cold and malicious to deny your partner the opportunity to spend few last and lasting passionate moments together. It is certainly not like this would be the first time the couple had shared in intimacy. But the consequences on the partner that wants out may be greater. The physical, emotional and spiritual connection maybe to involved for the other person to simply walk away.
Whoever decided that it would be a good idea to lay with your partner on the way out needs to provide clarity on what exactly is the goal. From limited personal experience, it only seems to make matters worse.
It would seem that making the decision to divorce would be the hardest part. I would argue that dealing with the consequences of the decision are far more difficult than reaching the conclusion. Once the decision to divorce is made, then you have to endure all of the opinions or reactions of those that know you and your spouse.
I was not prepared for the “I saw your wife” or “I saw your wife’s posts on social media” encounters. As a matter of fact, I had not even considered her activities apart from ou marriage and how they would impact me. My neglect to consider and prepare for these conversations placed me in a more perilous situation.
Divorce Journal – I Saw Your Wife
The trials that led to our decision to divorce were exhausting. Once the decision was made, I begin to work towards the life I hoped to have after the divorce was final. I never stopped to imagine what her response would be. It was a mistake to only consider how I would recover from the end of our marriage.
She, first, took to social media and shared her feelings about the decision to divorce. It was her right to do so. I should not have been surprised as she is a writer and a connector of people. It was the logical response. But, then her ‘hanging out’ breached the social media platforms. She started a campaign of public social interaction. In short, she started hanging out in actual social places, such as bars and night clubs.
The first encounter I had with someone that would express their thoughts, feelings, or opinion on our divorce immediately arrest my attention. It happened in my work space. I left the encounter knowing that I needed a game plan. Right away I started preparing an official ‘press release’ or a response statement, and practicing various facial expressions. I did not like the feeling of being caught of guard, so I started preparing for the many future encounters that would come.
I would like to say my preparation to respond more appropriately to others’ opinions of our plans to divorce or my wife’s activities was absolutely successful. This statement would not be true. However, I managed to get better with each encounter with someone that decided to share in our decision by offering their opinion. Participating in conversations about ou marriage with people outside of our union proved to be far more challenging than arriving at the decision to divorce.
Everyone needs a legal and safe place to dump. If for no other reason, we never know what stuff may come out or whether we will want to keep some of it. How do we find that safe place or person? And how do we begin the purge if we have held onto our ‘junk’ for all of our lives?
Join the conversation, Thursday, August 28, 2014 at 7pm CST. Listen live online or call us at 347-237-4648. We want to hear from you!
Welcome to show #50! Thank you for continuing on this journey with us.
Everything that lives and thrives has to be fed, including your soul–man. We will share evidence that supports this thesis, and several spiritual disciplines that can be adopted into our daily routines.
How do you feed your soul? Join the conversation live at 7pm CST on August 21, 2014. Listen online or dial in 347-237-4648.