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25 Critical Relationship Questions
We started Coached 2 Love with the goal of building stronger families. We have identified a simple remedy for most of our global issues, which is the inappropriate definition or application of love, starting with self. Therefore, we believe that as we help others identify what love looks like, then help those persons convert the definition into practical steps, we will begin to see positive changes.
Our second focus involves helping people make better choices regarding the person they will date to marry. Notice the focal point of the latter goal: marriages. Unfortunately, we have encountered too many couples that shared a wedding goal, but had no idea of what to look forward to after their special day. The consequence of the narrow vision is a unmentionable epidemic of broken families.
One of our practical steps in helping others look through the wedding event into marriage is providing a list of thought provoking questions. Below we have provided a sample from our self directed questionnaire, which we believe individuals and couples should engage, before they even ask or answer (B.Y.E.A.) the wedding proposal. We do not consider our questionnaire to be an exhaustive list. However, we hope our complete list will motivate couples to go off the track and ask even more involved questions, of themselves and the parties involved in the relationship that would have otherwise been overlooked.
Let’s begin the journey.
1. What are your views of God?
2. What is the meaning of a wedding vow?
3. What are your views on sex, in particular, the various forms of sexual contact?
4. What has been your greatest accomplishment to date?
5. What are your views on children, baring, having and rearing?
6. What is your relationship with your parents?
7. What is the role of a husband?
8. What is the role of a wife?
9. Share details of your family’s history, lineage, or genealogy.
10. What are your greatest fears?
11. Provide an example of when you were knocked down in life and how you got back on your feet.
12. How do you define intimacy?
13. When was your last physical exam, and what were the results?
14. What parts of your life have you held in reserve for your spouse?
15. Share your views on drinking alcohol, smoking (cigarettes or cigars), and drug use.
16. How would you approach your spouse if they were failing your expectations?
17. How do you best communicate (verbally, writing, dropping hints, physical expression, etc.)?
18. What are your views on homosexuality?
19. How do you handle frustration?
20. Whose counsel do you most value?
21. How important is personal space or time alone or time away from your spouse?
22. How do you define cheating?
23. What are the boundaries for your parents’ involvement in your relationship?
24. What allowances are you willing to give to your spouse to express a different religious belief or practice?
25. How do you define success?
Love Nudge: The Valley
In the midst of our lows the primary temptation is to dwell on how far the fall. We ignore the coolness and stillness of the space. This environment is perfect for meditating on what God has in store for the future, and this seems to escape the depressed mind. It is difficult to find any redeeming quality associated with the lowly position.
The opportunity that we forsake as we invest in the negative is greatness in the making. Instead of abandoning hope grab hold of whatever faith can be muster. Know that if you are in this place, then God’s plan for you is still active.
Love Nudge: Live Your Creed
Our lives and the way we love should speak more profoundly than our mere beautiful words.
Sermons We See
by Edgar Albert Guest
I’d rather see a sermon than hear one any day;
I’d rather one should walk with me than merely tell the way.
The eye’s a better pupil and more willing than the ear,
Fine counsel is confusing, but example’s always clear;
And the best of all the preachers are the men who live their creeds,
For to see good put in action is what everybody needs.
I soon can learn to do it if you’ll let me see it done;
I can watch your hands in action, but your tongue too fast may run.
And the lecture you deliver may be very wise and true,
But I’d rather get my lessons by observing what you do;
For I might misunderstand you and the high advise you give,
But there’s no misunderstanding how you act and how you live.
When I see a deed of kindness, I am eager to be kind.
When a weaker brother stumbles and a strong man stays behind
Just to see if he can help him, then the wish grows strong in me
To become as big and thoughtful as I know that friend to be.
And all travelers can witness that the best of guides today
Is not the one who tells them, but the one who shows the way.
One good man teaches many, men believe what they behold;
One deed of kindness noticed is worth forty that are told.
Who stands with men of honor learns to hold his honor dear,
For right living speaks a language which to every one is clear.
Though an able speaker charms me with his eloquence, I say,
I’d rather see a sermon than to hear one, any day.
Love Nudge: Our Past
We each have a past. Some are so weighted that it seems impossible to move beyond the experience. Opposite are those former experiences that serve as a positive lift toward our futures. In both cases, we cannot rest on what has happened.
The same principle is true when the past belongs to a group, a community, and even a country. History, whether negative or positive cannot be change. It can be told from various vantage points, but the raw facts remain the same. Juxtapose this with the future. For instance, the remainder of today is yet to be determined, which gives each of us a chance to participate in and influence a positive outcome. And our past should certainly influence what we do next.
Let’s take the good and the bad just as it was – let’s not hide the ugly scars that remind us of past mistakes. Neither should we stare too long at the trophies of victory. Move on, move forward, move upward towards an even greater existence as an individual entity, and collectively as a country. In the end, we should use all that is available, including our past to reach for God’s best for our lives.
Coached 2 Love 