Divorce involves the painful separation of a wife and a husband.  Marriages that produce children or blend families together must take into account that the children will also face the hardships caused by divorce.  Unfortunately, the hurt does not stop with these parties directly tied to the marriage.  So many other areas are impacted.  A couple that is considering divorce must be aware of how far their decision will reach.

Everything in a marriage must be divided when it ends.  Most begin by considering the division of personal assets, such as homes, furnishings, and cars.  Those are the easy decisions in my opinion.  Investments must also be split up, including retirement funds, investment portfolios and properties, and collectibles.  This area is a little more difficult.  Even the debts accumulated must be shared, and it is surprising how some think that one party will assume all of the liabilities.

The most difficult area of division for me did not include any of the personal assets or liabilities.  The hardest area for me was loosing relationships with family members and friends.  It would seem that family and friends would want to provide support for all parties involved, but what I have expereinced is that they too will chose a side.

Let me be clear.  It may be a family member that is a blood relative or a close friend you have known all your life, and they still may chose to continue a relationship with your spouse over you after the divorce.  Shocking, I know.  It is more shocking when they make the choice based on unsupportive details that are only being shared by one side.  Or, it may seem unfair that people run toward the person that displays the most hurt.  The loudest cries usually gets the most attention.

Once my wife made our decision to divorce public through social media outlets she garnered an immediate community of support.  I should not have been, but I was completely caught off guard by the persons that seemed to have chosen a side, her side, and an application for divorce was not even filed.  Very few people sought to help us, and even less reached out to me for confirmation of the decision.

I was still sad about the responses of our family and friends when I recorded this entry (Divorce Journal – Choosing Sides).  But I knew that retaliating, especially on social media sites was not the appropriate response.  I turned to this journal to begin processing all of my emotions.  In reality, our family and friends still loved and support both of us.  And after I had calmed down, I was glad that she had a familiar community there to support her through our diffiult journey.