I attended a wedding today of a lady that I have a great deal of respect. She adopted me as one of her sons as I was learning how to serve people in ministry. Her presence was not only impactful on my life, but so many others during that season. As a result, the wedding was a family reunion of sorts. I was able to sit and fellowship with a number of people I had not seen in years. The highlights for me included being able to witness a mature couple experience the kind of love that leads to marriage. In addition, one of those I sat with revealed their impending divorce, and I was able to minister to them from my place of healing.
There is counsel that I would give couples or individuals that were ending a marriage or serious relationship. This wisdom came to and through me long before I met my wife. I had no idea I would need to apply it to my own situation one day. When a relationship ends, the temptation is to get up, dust yourself off, and get active. In my opinion, that response is one of the biggest mistakes anyone could make. The better option would be to take a moment to be alone. Remove yourself from people, activities, even substances that have influence on your emotional state. Spend a designated amount of time reflecting on the relationship, the highs and the lows, for the express purpose of learning more about you.
My designated time period was 40 full days and nights. During this period I refrained from the advances of everyone. I restricted my diet from unhealthy foods, music, reading material and social media sites. This would be one of the most revealing times in my life as I was able to consider some of my strengths in a relationship, and certainly areas that I needed to improve. The wholeness I feel today begin during that 40 day period.
Divorce Journal – Aftermath
Oddly, immediately after my designated period ended, my wife reached out to me. We had not spoken on friendly terms in nearly four months. I confirmed that the divorce was final and that she was a free woman. We laughed. We reflected on our journey. And we wished each other greater success in life. It was a relief to know that both of us found value in the marriage, even if it did not endure the test and trials.
The old acquaintance that I sat with at the wedding seemed to be encouraged that there was someone who understood their current place. I shared a bit of my testimony and encouraged them to keep going. There was proof of life after divorce in my testimony. And I smiled larger than anyone in the room as I could see the potential for me to meet and marry the woman of my dreams. This wedding showed me that there are no boundaries on love.