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Divorce Journal – The Tables Are Turning
You cannot treat someone a certain way and expect them to believe your words. A reasonable person will respond in a manner that gives them the best personal outcome. It is called self-preservation.
Her reaction was to return to behaviors that placed the relationship in jeopardy from the beginning. Wisdom would suggest that if something did not workout well over an extended period of time, then you must choose a different action.
Prior to this entry (Divorce Journal – The Tables Are Turning), I was beginning to change my mind. It had been nearly four months since making the decision to divorce my wife. We were starting to spend more time together, which included the most open forum of conversation that we had experienced in years. It seemed as if we were breaking into a new area of our relationship. The possibility of a better us was enough motivation to stall the decision to divorce.
My expectations were unrealistic. I was to blame for the hope that I allowed to creep into my own feelings. How could I blame her for wanting to fight for the marriage, while making sure that certain things or people were in place in case I proceeded with the divorce? The delay in filing for the divorce back fired. Somehow I failed to make my intentions clear enough, and create a space in time for us to make the decision together. In the end, my word were more important to her, or the words I did not say, then my actions.
Divorce Journal – Trust Is An Issues
It is clear from the beginning of these recordings that I am uncomfortable sharing or allowing this much exposure to the decline of our marriage. There is so much that lies beneath the words that I struggle to share. The strain comes across in mis-pronunciations, the wrong choice of words, and unnecessary pauses as I fight through the flood of thoughts.
But I was committed to see this experience through to the very end. I worried if I could produce a journal that would be authentically my story, while preserving the dignity of my spouse. It was my project, which I engaged without her permission. Besides, if I tried to tell a complete story without her input, then the integrity of the entire product would have been weakened.
This entry (Divorce Journal – Trust Is An Issue) was my earliest attempt at sharing one of our issues. Frankly, after reviewing the entry I realized that I failed to capture the balance that I sought. Sure, I was struggling with trusting her words. In truth, the issue was never about her lying as much as it was her lack of courage in believing that I could handle her truth. Or, her choosing what she thought was an easy way to avoid confrontation.
She had more reason in our relationship to distrust as my actions were far more hurtful. My word were almost always transparent and blunt, but my actions were not always as revealing. Therefore, the title and the entry are misleading, too.
Bare with me on this journey as the subject matter and the delivery will get better.
Love Nudge: Our Past
We each have a past. Some are so weighted that it seems impossible to move beyond the experience. Opposite are those former experiences that serve as a positive lift toward our futures. In both cases, we cannot rest on what has happened.
The same principle is true when the past belongs to a group, a community, and even a country. History, whether negative or positive cannot be change. It can be told from various vantage points, but the raw facts remain the same. Juxtapose this with the future. For instance, the remainder of today is yet to be determined, which gives each of us a chance to participate in and influence a positive outcome. And our past should certainly influence what we do next.
Let’s take the good and the bad just as it was – let’s not hide the ugly scars that remind us of past mistakes. Neither should we stare too long at the trophies of victory. Move on, move forward, move upward towards an even greater existence as an individual entity, and collectively as a country. In the end, we should use all that is available, including our past to reach for God’s best for our lives.
Love Nudge: Pray
Embedded in the fourth of five wisdom books in the Bible is a most profound statement that is applicable for our present circumstances. King Solomon writes, “there is nothing new under the sun.” (NKJV) These words do not seek to alarm or discredit any of our stories, as what we are experiencing is very real. However, this wisdom does allow us hope in the face of the most troublesome times. We have historical evidence that ‘this to shall past.’
Yet, two obvious questions exist related to those who endured and overcame the same set of circumstances, but in an earlier period of time. ‘How did they endure the circumstances, and how did they overcome them?’ The answer to both begin and end with one equally profound answer – PRAYER.
Praying involves sharing in conversation with God about those things that are of the will of God. Why else would be have dialogue unless all parties involved have both an interest in the matter and the ability to respond in kind. God provides understanding, compassion and an unyielding capacity to change circumstances, such as those we face today.
Well, another question begs an answer. ‘If these same circumstances existed before, and God delivered the people, why are WE here again?’ This answer is not so simple. But does it matter as much as the solution?
All thoughout history it has been the people’s cries against personal and community and world injustice that have resulted in the tearing down of oppression. The moans and wailing of physical pain have been met with medical, physical and psychological advancement. Even the internal whispers of the lost and drifting have led to places of stability and growth.
The words of prayer, the cries, moans and wailing, and the whispers are what we must engage now, so that our children will have a World to inherit. The perils we face can leave the heart, mind and soul in places of despair. But, God. If we call on God, then the people will be set free.
Coached 2 Love 