A willingness to hear each other’s hearts led to open conversations. Open conversations gave way to deeper transparency. Knowing what your partner is feeling, thinking and experiencing inspires compromise. Compromising on a routine basis resulted in comfortability, and the desire to spend more time together. The more time we, two people who were emotionally charge and comfortable with each spent together, the greater the chance we would have sex. (Divorce Journal – S.E.X.)
It seemed that we were more willing to hear each other’s hearts after I declared that I wanted a divorce. The open and honest conversations were some of the best we experienced in nearly nine years. It could be the removal of self imposed barriers built on fear that opened this entryway. We were courageously transparent with each other.
The result of our openness led to a willingness to compromise. I placed the plan to file for divorce on the shelf. She was less defensive. We both accepted blame for our part in the deterioration of our marriage. In the words of Rob Base and DJ E-Z Rock, “it takes two to make things go right.” (It Takes Two) It was the height of mutual understanding and compassion in our relationship.
We became very comfortable in eah other’s presence. Somewhere along the journey we begin to look forward to speaking with and seeing each other. It started with daily messages to check-in and forward material that had nothing to do with us. We sent prayers, scriptures, jokes, and news about family and friends.
Our daily contact grew from text messages into hanging out. Soon after, we were in a full on sexual relationship. We both missed this part of our marriage. It took years to adapt to each other’s sexual styles and preferences, but when we did it became magical. What we shared was beyond physical satisfaction as it was a spiritual depth to our connection.
Neither of us had abandoned our positions on divorce. I reasoned that we were still married, thus I felt no guilt in pleasing my wife. She accepted our time together. We decided to live in those moments, and they were good. However, when we were a part I wondered if she felt that I was taking advantage of her. Or, if she was using these moments to further weaken my position. I hoped she remembered that I had never been that weak for sex.
The real tragedy was that the more we had sex, the less we talked. Our meetings became more about the intimacy we shared and less about deconstructing the issues that led us to separation. We realized this imbalance, but it was diffiult to regain the amount of time and effort placed into conversation when their was so much positive sexual energy between us. So, we continued to have sex. And it was good.