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What I Did For My Exes
I push people. I push them towards the places, talents, and goals that they tell me about in confidence. Also, I sometimes push them because I see in them what they refuse to see in themselves. Unfortunately, more often than not I end up pushing them far away from me.
It used to bother me when an Ex seemed to do better after our relationship ended. They went on to achieve the success that we dreamed about for them. Yet, they did not do much more than talk about it when we were together. It was a personal blow to hear that she finally started that business, went back to school, earned her graduate degree, completed her licensing, accepted that international post, and actually cut a demo. I wondered if I had held them back from these aspirations when we were together. Or, could I have been the catalyst that they needed to reach those levels?
I look at things from different angles and usually judge myself harshly in the process. I start with the potentially negative views, because I like to end on positives. In these cases, maybe I was too hard on these women. Is it possible that my voice was so loud that I drowned out theirs? Maybe I pushed them to jump before they were ready, or God was ready for them to go. Maybe I failed because they only needed someone to play the supportive role or provide an attentive ear, and it took someone else to do so to fulfill their basic need.
The juxtaposition is that I was not pushing them after all. What if my initiatives had the opposite result of holding these women back? What if I served as the resistance that would actually propel them towards their dreams? If this were the case, then our season served a positive purpose.
Consider that if you hold something back long enough, then when it is released it will have an even greater momentum to hit its target. The analogy that I use is a bow and arrow. If I provide resistance to the string of a bow, and these women were the arrows, then the release of our relationship shot them forward with ferocious speed. No wonder they all seemed to be successful.
Here lies the crux of the matter for me. No one chooses another person’s faith entirely. Whatever impact that I had on these lives is of secondary consequence. In the end, the only similarity between these relationships is that I had the pleasure of dating some wonderful women. Each of them saw something pretty special in me/us, too.
Sometimes it may seem as though you, we, prepared an ex for the next – but we must remember that the blocks of life sharpens both sides of the blade. We gain as much as it appears that we lose. Be grateful for the relationships, and lessons learned. Celebrate your ex’s new found success, and embrace all that your future holds.
03-20-2014 “The Runaway Bride and Other Commitment Phobics”
Join the conversation, Thursday, March 20, 2014, 7 pm CST, as Coached 2 Love Radio discusses “The Runaway Bride and Other Commitment Phobics”
Some people just cannot imagine being bound by a permanent commitment. These are people that we need to know about when entering any relationship, despite whether their reasons are from a point of nobility or pure selfishness.
Listen Live or dial 347-237-4648. Press 1 to connect with our host or guests.
Our guests on this week’s show are the ladies of Love. Work. Repeat.
Love. Work. Repeat. is a marriage and lifestyle website & blog created to offer a variety of encouraging, entertaining and thought provoking articles on marriage, family and other lifestyle topics. We believe marriage requires you to love daily, work on being the best you can be each day, and then you continually repeat those steps to have a successful relationship. We hope to encourage couples and build a community of like-minded people who value marriage, family and positivity.
Learn more information about them at http://www.loveworkrepeat.com/about.html.
Lonely or Alone? Examining Reasons for Singleness
You do not have to convince me or anyone else for that matter of your comfort in being alone. Just because you are single does not mean you are lonely. I can hear you screaming THANK YOU, as you have been trying to get your family and friends to understand this for years. You are single and alone by choice.
Truth is, most people confuse being alone with loneliness, lack, and powerless state that would be changed if the opportunity presented itself. Although the two are often used synonymously, there is a stark difference based on intention. One person chooses to be alone, as opposed to a lonely person feeling as if the decision was never theirs to make. Or, worse, a person that feels lonely blames their state on previous choices.
Here is why people often confuse the two states of being. People often say one thing, but live out an entirely different existence. This reality begs the question – is it possible that you, too, are confused about the reason for your present relationship status? Do you really know why you are single? Is your state of being alone the consequence of giving up hope of a meaningful relationship, or is it that you have come to enjoy your own company so much that you will not let anyone else in? These are the questions that Coached 2 Love will seek to answer in the show titled: The Loneliest Day of the Year … Psych! I am Good!
To begin the dialogue I am sharing four classifications of persons that are alone or singles. In the event that none of these fit your situation, well, I advise you to re-read the list. Seriously, re-read the list with an open, rather than critical mind. If you remain unconvinced by either description, then congratulations as you are truly in a class of your own (just one man’s opinion).
Single by choices
This class is reserved for those who have found themselves in a state of singleness as a consequence of choices that they have made. My question to this group is who banished you to a lifetime without a mate? Who has the power to punish you in such a manner? I often wonder if we are more punitive towards ourselves than anyone else could ever be. Being single should be a choice, but not because you or anyone else issues it as a punishment.
Unfortunately, this classification includes far too many single parents. The relationship did not work and you are choosing to be single until your children are of age to ‘understand.’ Our advice to you is to learn to date or court with boundaries.
Single by forces
There are unforeseen circumstances in life that alter our destinies. A few of these incidences steal, from us, our ability to be whole. The tragic reality is that we have a tendency to occupy the void spaces in our lives with old memories for the sake of comfort.
We can become so comfortable with our memories that we forget that we are still alive. The beauty about our very next moment is that we get to participate in how it is lived. We may not be able to control everything in life, but we certainly can choose how to respond.
Single by destination
This classification does not require explanation for those that promised: once freedom was obtained from that place of bondage that nothing, or no one, could ever drag them back. Congratulations on gaining your freedom.
Live free and enjoy getting to know yourself, and learning about others without forming permanent attachments. A lesson that all of us need to learn at some point is how to be involved in relationships (various degrees) without giving ourselves completely away.
Find a place of contentment. Invest in you. And when you receive what you desired from that place – healing, wholeness, recreation, or devotion – then set sail for new and engaging territories.
Single by success
Most singles will argue that they are satisfied in their current state. No drama. No compromise. No worries. They may argue that they are single, satisfied, successful, and saved.
Success as a single is not representative of financial or tangible achievement. A truly successful single has accepted a call to solitude and devotion and purpose – in singleness.
Some are called just to a season. For instance, they may need to be free from attachment to study abroad or work in a developing third world country. Others are called to a lifetime of singleness and service in ministry. The latter group includes certain religious personnel. These people never feel alone; as they have satisfaction in knowing that God called them to a life of singleness, service and devotion.
Whatever your reasons are for being alone during this season of your life: find pleasure, comfort, and a positive purpose for your state. Remain honest about how you really feel and your true desires regarding relationship. Remain open to what God is doing through your singleness and state of being alone. If you find that you no longer want to be single – remember it is your choice and you have the power to change your situation.
02-06-2014 “Romance, forget it . . . Let’s talk about Sex!”
Let’s talk about sex and love and making love. Why did God give us sex? Pleasure or utility or both? Is there a right or a wrong way to have sex? How about darn good Sex? WOW! Join us Thursday, February 6 at 7pm CST. Listen live online, or call in 347-237-4648. Press 1 to join the conversation.
This week’s special guests are Cal & Wendy Roberson from www.marriedandnaked.com.
Married and Naked began in 2009 as a subsidiary of Marriage Vows Ministries. Calvin and Wendy Roberson know first hand the trials that come from marriage. Both have experienced marital loss, renewal and marital success. They have now committed themselves to helping others avoid the pitfalls they have encountered.
Calvin has been a New York Stock Exchange registered representative, a Regional Vice President of an international investment firm, Dean of Arts at Duke Ellington School of Arts in D.C. He has also been the Senior Pastor of ten churches. He holds a graduate degree and has had post graduate doctoral studies in ministry and law. Calvin is the author of the thought-provoking book, the Gospel of Non-sense. He is also a sought after public speaker and a successful religious counselor for more than fifteen years. His keen insight has made him a highly desired professional.
Wendy is an insightful and energetic addition to this union. She brings with her years of nurturing experience as a nurse. She has been involved in various faith-based initiatives for over ten years. She knows first hand what deliverance and restoration means and this is seen in the way she compassionately ministers to the diverse groups in their ministry. She is a coach to young ladies and counselor to mature women. She is an intuitive and engaging conversationalist and stands as a personal testimony of what God can accomplish through a yielded and willing vessel.
Cal and Wendy are unique in that they are a blended family and understand first hand the trials and successes of traditional as well as non-traditional family situations. They have three children, Calvin II, Andrew and Khloe. It is their belief that through their efforts, God will heal the hurting, comfort the discouraged and bring about the spiritual success and advancement that God originally intended for his people.
Read more on the topic on Clarence’s blog and/or Tracie’s blog.
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